Addict-From Ruins to Restoration- II

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Many people I talk with feel that they have no joy in their life. They feel obligated to do so many things that they don’t have time for themselves and the things they really want to do.

As a result, they feel drained, anxious, and resentful. With so many outside forces competing for their time, energy, and financial resources, is it really any wonder they feel this way?

So what do we do? How can we remain balanced among this sea of obligations and commitments?

The answer is to live consciously. By looking at each decision we are making and by asking ourselves, “Is this really what I want to be doing? Is this really what is right for me?” And then by making sure our actions stay in alignment with our true intentions.

Saying yes when we mean no often causes us not to trust ourselves. It damages our confidence and lowers our self-esteem.

So why do we do it?

From a young age, we are conditioned to act in certain ways in order to feel loved and accepted. This is the beginning of our loss of personal power and authenticity.

In order to create change, we will need to recondition our beliefs by discovering what is really true for us.

These are the questions I ask myself to become aware of any patterns and beliefs that no longer work for me. Once you become aware of these beliefs, you can simply begin to consciously change them.

Ask yourself: “Why am I doing this? Is it because…”

  1. I will feel guilty if I don’t?
  2. Everyone else is doing it, so I should too?
  3. I want others to think I am a nice person?
  4. I want to feel accepted?
  5. I don’t feel good enough about myself to do what is really right for me?
  6. I have trouble saying “no” or being myself around certain people?

If you have said “yes” to any of the above questions, you are cheating yourself out of the things that bring you happiness and joy!

The next time you hear yourself saying, I love to garden…but I don’t have time or I love to Read…but I’m too busy .Remember you can choose differently. You can choose to believe you are valuable; what is right for you does matter, and that your happiness is a priority.

Your life is the culmination of each decision you make every moment (whether you are aware of what you are choosing or not).

Begin to understand the intention behind every action you take and make a conscious decision to do only what is right for you. Gather the courage each moment and say “no” to anything or anyone that doesn’t allow you to be yourself, or to live in alignment with your dreams.

What will you choose? Will you choose to stay in power by acting with the knowledge that you are responsible for every action in your life? Or will you continue to give your power away in order to feel valued and accepted in the eyes of another?

The choice is yours.

First Episode of the series is here

 

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Us Against the World…

My sister and I, like a lot of other siblings, have a love-hate relationship. we’ve gone through different stages–from playmates to study buddies to besties to enemies to shopping partners to travel buddies and so on and so forth. We still don’t hug or even shake hands when we see each other after a long time. Yet, the smiles on our faces are enough for both of us to understand how much we’ve missed each other.

I’ve shared a room with my sister so we’ve always been close. Like most sisters, Of course, it wasn’t always rainbows and butterflies between us. We’ve had our fair share of fights and tears through the years. But even so, I can honestly say she’s always been there for me–cheering me on, supporting me in all my endeavors and even sacrificing her time and energy to help me with my life that don’t benefit her in any way. She’s the first person I run to whenever I need advice on anything and everything that’s important in my life, whenever someone is putting me down and whenever I need help. She’s my amigo, no. 1 supporter, defender and best friend. I may not tell her this much but I couldn’t ask for a better sister and I’m beyond grateful that I have her to hold my hand and guide me through life.

This is why whenever I see her sad, it pains me that I can’t seem to do the same for her–that I can’t wash away her worries the way she does for me and I can’t fix her problems the way she fixes mine. I wish I can make her see what I see in her because in my eyes, she’s a superwoman–smart, beautiful, and able to do anything she puts her mind into.

So to uplift my sister’s spirits, I thought I’d send a Small note to her way on this special day…

To my dearest Lota,

I may fight with you from time to time and be an enormous idiot, but you should know in your heart that I love you immensely and always will. I believe in you. Don’t forget to believe in yourself too. Have faith that things will work out because you deserve it. And if you get scared taking the big leap, know that I’m right beside you. It’s my turn to hold your hand through this.

Happy Birthday!

Not So Perfect, Me……

I am not perfect but I make sure the house is always clean, his clothes are washed and perfectly ironed and his things are in place.

I am imperfect but I make sure his health is fine.

I am imperfect but I never let him count his weakness. He is perfect because I have always let him be the perfect one.

Yes… I am ‘an erratic wife’ of a picture-perfect husband…!!

My imperfection has another side as well which my husband overlooked. I keep surprising him with gifts, love, hugs, and kisses even when he escapes saying “Baby, I am not good at showing affection, I told you”.

Every day, I call him even though I have back to back crazy meetings, to make sure that he feels valued and our bond strengthens whereas he dodged saying that “Baby, I am not good in these sweet surprises, you please let me know what you want!”.

Extending my levels of imperfection, I must say, I make sure I manage the finance well so that none of us feel the burden.

When my perfect husband is busy in his office work I make sure I find some time out from my office and household work to find jobs for him as I want him to grow. I can easily do it for myself but I prefer his career over mine at this stage.

A gentle reminder to all the perfect husbands in the world:

It is important for you as a husband to understand that his words have tremendous power in his wife’s life. You need to adore her with words. She’s given her life to love and care for you, to partner with you and to create a family together.

If you are always finding fault in something she’s doing, always putting her down, you will reap awful problems in life.

Moreover, just as information, many women today are depressed and feel emotionally abused because their husbands do not Adore them with their words. One of the leading causes of emotional breakdowns among married women is the fact that women do not feel valued. One of the main reasons for that deficiency is because husbands are willfully or unwittingly withholding the words of approval which, women so desperately desire.

You are not perfect nor your wife is but you think you are perfect because your wife makes sure she covers your imperfections with her flaws. She helps you being the perfect one.

Your wife isn’t running for your money; she can even earn herself. All she is wants from you is your love, time and words of love.

Remember not to focus on her imperfections instead see the effort she continuously takes for you.

Do not remind her that she is imperfect instead tell her that you can find no one better than her. Some words can break heart even if said in jest.

If I also escape saying “sorry, I hate cooking I told you” “Sorry, it has been a week I didn’t do the Laundry and you should have reminded me” or “Sorry I was busy working, I couldn’t manage the finances etc.” He will not be able to deal with it.

I know my husband loves me and I cannot find a better husband but all I know is if I become perfect like him he might not love me the way he loves me now.

And in the End, The love you take is equal to the love you Make 🙂

Addict-From Ruins to Restoration- I

When your loved one gets into addiction, You wake up every morning to see the same demons that left you so tired the night before.

On one hand is the fear and sadness as you see your loved one spiralling downwards , on the other is the impact to the family too .

You cannot do anything to make the situation better as that action needs to be taken by another person and not you. You can only take the horse to the water as they say.

When you have thought life has hit a rock bottom, you learn there is another rock bottom deeper than this too . And you realise there are deeper pits ahead.

The person refuses to give up his addiction. And you are scared on where life will take that person if you cut off your relationship .

let us not brush this aspect aside with platitudes. We need to learn ,how to cope up with this life long situation, where each day you are scared for your loved one , each day you find a nastier heartbreak in for you .

One can handle one’s own suffering as karma, but not for a loved one’s. How one can cope up with the spiralling downslide which is but inevitable for that family member.

This is a kind of pain or loss . How to make sense of what is happening ?And how does one move ahead?

It’s time for a web series on addiction and Restoration…. a Post will be published every Thursday night…

Stay Tuned…..

Welcome 2018……

“Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it.”

                                                                                               —David Foster Wallace

A sunset is beautiful, but it lasts only so long. Once it’s over, it’s over.

In time, perfection is tainted by life’s beautiful blemishes. We often look at the things we enjoy—the relationships, the experiences, the possessions and we want to hold on to them forever. We expect that these things will continue to add the same value to our lives, day in and day out.

But life does not work this way. Not everything that adds value today will add value tomorrow.

When that possession stops adding value, however, what do we do? Do we ask ourselves why?

Not usually.

Often, once the dullness sets in, we let our effects gather dust or wither away in boxes and corners of our minds as Out of sight, out of mind.

And but then the only way to reclaim the missing value is to find another thing that is shiny and exciting and new. This is a dangerous downward spiral, where we’re constantly looking for that next nugget of excitement, which is the next burst of euphoria, that cocaine high that doesn’t last….

We must be willing to let go. We should let go of superfluous excess in our lives, starting with the dusty belongings inhabiting every nook and cranny and dark corner of our homes, eventually moving on to the more difficult things no longer adding value to our lives: sentimental items, unnecessarily old grudges, the Perfect life Dream, shitty relationships.

Ultimately, we must learn to let go. To do so, acceptance is the key. We needn’t settle, but we all have a reality we must accept. As much as we might want to, we’ll never be able to hold on to a sunset. Likewise, we can’t retain everything and still lead meaningful lives. Life is fulfilling only when we allow ourselves to let go, when we allow ourselves to be in the moment, when we allow ourselves to feel the moment.

After all, this moment is life’s only true reality.

Welcome 2018… lets carry minimal baggage to check-in from 2017.

Wonder by R J Palacio

“You can’t blend in when you were born to stand out”.

It happens sometimes, that you eat that dessert really slow, to savor it for longer time. We do not say goodbye quickly, even though it’s time, we don’t let go of the hugs, which mean a lot, something similar did this book to me.

We’ve all been bullied before. Criticized or cast aside because of how we talk, what we wear, or who we hang out with. But I doubt that many of us have experienced anything like what August Pullman went through. Ten-year-old Auggie was born with a severe facial deformity, and despite his shining personality, is plunged into a world with people who cannot see past his appearance. Wonder details Auggie’s journey into the fifth grade, and serves as a stark and honest portrayal of the problems with being different.

Wonder is also a much needed reminder that even though many a times it’s much easier to look the other way, because of impatience, indifference, fear, or revulsion, whatever the case may be, sometimes reaching out to another human being can be a life-changing experience, for everyone concerned, because kindness doesn’t only impact the other person, it also changes you.

This novel teach how to be compassionate, to be kind, to give people a chance, to believe in one’s inner goodness, to view situations in a positive light, to laugh, and to be the best people we can be. At the end of the day, these qualities are more important than our salary Packages or who we converse with.

Wonder is a heartwarming feel-good book with a message that we cannot hear enough number of times – when given a choice between being right or kind, choose kind. Always.

It is a life lesson about kindness, compassion, and human connection. It is a testament to the strength we all have within us, not only to withstand the pain of stinging words, but to take a stand for what we believe is right.

“Friendship. Character. These are the qualities that define us as human beings, and propels us, on occasion, to greatness.”

P.S: Thanks to my Secret Santa for sending this book.

In Too Deep…

It’s easy to believe Earth turns slowly on its axis: it’s always there, and we’re a part of it, deep in the middle of its rotation.

Relations are similar: it’s all around us, everywhere we turn, seemingly unstoppable—Hell’s self-consuming flame.

But Earth doesn’t turn slowly: it’s spinning at over a thousand miles an hour. This became easy for us to understand once we stepped back and paid attention, once we became aware of our surroundings.

Similarly, we needn’t look at all this mass-consumption and over-indulgence and believe it’s normal—it’s not.

Things haven’t always been this way—this chaotic, this meaningless—and the future needn’t be, either. A sunrise is on the horizon, and we can see it once we open our eyes, become aware of what’s important, and realize we’re in too deep.

It will be fine. It will be okay. Everything will work out.