It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.
I officially turned 30 on Monday (cue the music and the candlelit cake). They say that 30 is the new 20, but to be honest I’m glad that’s not true. I’m moving forward, not backwards. I’m growing and I’m happy to be 30.
I struggled throughout the last two years as a decade faded for me. And through the struggle, I grew tremendously. I am a different Woman. I change over time—often for the better.
I am a better Woman today than I was yesterday, but I am far from perfect. I make mistakes and bad decisions, and I fail at times. I stumble, fall. I am human—a mixed bag, nuanced, the darkness and the light—as are you.
My story is unique, and yet it is no different from yours—minus the details.
I have loved. I have laughed, grown, and contributed. And for that I am grateful.
I have hated. I have hurt, damaged, and lied. And for that I am sorry.
I have lived. And for that I bear no regrets.
But this 9/11 marks a new decade for me, a decade of opportunity. My twenties were filled with the greatest joys of my life, as well as my most agonizing pains. I can see it lingering behind me in the foreground of my rear view mirror. Perhaps my thirties will bring forth a certain kind of levity, serenity, calm.
Or perhaps life isn’t meant to contain these absolutes. Perhaps one must sit in the valley to see the beauty of the mountaintop, to appreciate her climb, to live a meaningful life. And perhaps the key is to not live in the valley, but, rather, to be aware of why you are there and prepare for the journey ahead.
For me, the sentiment speaks of opportunity, of growth, and of a bright and compelling future irrespective of my current situation: be it good, bad, or somewhere in between.Sometimes rock bottom is the finest place to be.
Whatever the case may be, I will embrace this life, even though it scares the shit out of me at times. It is the only life I have. And I will love my life—a beautiful, terrifying, wondrous life—through the good times and the bad.
I’m never going to stop trying to. Bring it on, 30!