Addict-From Ruins to Restoration- II

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Many people I talk with feel that they have no joy in their life. They feel obligated to do so many things that they don’t have time for themselves and the things they really want to do.

As a result, they feel drained, anxious, and resentful. With so many outside forces competing for their time, energy, and financial resources, is it really any wonder they feel this way?

So what do we do? How can we remain balanced among this sea of obligations and commitments?

The answer is to live consciously. By looking at each decision we are making and by asking ourselves, “Is this really what I want to be doing? Is this really what is right for me?” And then by making sure our actions stay in alignment with our true intentions.

Saying yes when we mean no often causes us not to trust ourselves. It damages our confidence and lowers our self-esteem.

So why do we do it?

From a young age, we are conditioned to act in certain ways in order to feel loved and accepted. This is the beginning of our loss of personal power and authenticity.

In order to create change, we will need to recondition our beliefs by discovering what is really true for us.

These are the questions I ask myself to become aware of any patterns and beliefs that no longer work for me. Once you become aware of these beliefs, you can simply begin to consciously change them.

Ask yourself: “Why am I doing this? Is it because…”

1. I will feel guilty if I don’t?
2. Everyone else is doing it, so I should too?
3. I want others to think I am a nice person?
4. I want to feel accepted?
5. I don’t feel good enough about myself to do what is really right for me?
6. I have trouble saying “no” or being myself around certain people?

If you have said “yes” to any of the above questions, you are cheating yourself out of the things that bring you happiness and joy!

The next time you hear yourself saying, I love to garden…but I don’t have time or I love to Read…but I’m too busy .Remember you can choose differently. You can choose to believe you are valuable; what is right for you does matter, and that your happiness is a priority.

Your life is the culmination of each decision you make every moment (whether you are aware of what you are choosing or not).

Begin to understand the intention behind every action you take and make a conscious decision to do only what is right for you. Gather the courage each moment and say “no” to anything or anyone that doesn’t allow you to be yourself, or to live in alignment with your dreams.

What will you choose? Will you choose to stay in power by acting with the knowledge that you are responsible for every action in your life? Or will you continue to give your power away in order to feel valued and accepted in the eyes of another?

The choice is yours.

First Episode of the series is here

 

Wonder by R J Palacio

“You can’t blend in when you were born to stand out”.

It happens sometimes, that you eat that dessert really slow, to savor it for longer time. We do not say goodbye quickly, even though it’s time, we don’t let go of the hugs, which mean a lot, something similar did this book to me.

We’ve all been bullied before. Criticized or cast aside because of how we talk, what we wear, or who we hang out with. But I doubt that many of us have experienced anything like what August Pullman went through. Ten-year-old Auggie was born with a severe facial deformity, and despite his shining personality, is plunged into a world with people who cannot see past his appearance. Wonder details Auggie’s journey into the fifth grade, and serves as a stark and honest portrayal of the problems with being different.

Wonder is also a much needed reminder that even though many a times it’s much easier to look the other way, because of impatience, indifference, fear, or revulsion, whatever the case may be, sometimes reaching out to another human being can be a life-changing experience, for everyone concerned, because kindness doesn’t only impact the other person, it also changes you.

This novel teach how to be compassionate, to be kind, to give people a chance, to believe in one’s inner goodness, to view situations in a positive light, to laugh, and to be the best people we can be. At the end of the day, these qualities are more important than our salary Packages or who we converse with.

Wonder is a heartwarming feel-good book with a message that we cannot hear enough number of times – when given a choice between being right or kind, choose kind. Always.

It is a life lesson about kindness, compassion, and human connection. It is a testament to the strength we all have within us, not only to withstand the pain of stinging words, but to take a stand for what we believe is right.

“Friendship. Character. These are the qualities that define us as human beings, and propels us, on occasion, to greatness.”

P.S: Thanks to my Secret Santa for sending this book.

In Too Deep…

It’s easy to believe Earth turns slowly on its axis: it’s always there, and we’re a part of it, deep in the middle of its rotation.

Relations are similar: it’s all around us, everywhere we turn, seemingly unstoppable—Hell’s self-consuming flame.

But Earth doesn’t turn slowly: it’s spinning at over a thousand miles an hour. This became easy for us to understand once we stepped back and paid attention, once we became aware of our surroundings.

Similarly, we needn’t look at all this mass-consumption and over-indulgence and believe it’s normal—it’s not.

Things haven’t always been this way—this chaotic, this meaningless—and the future needn’t be, either. A sunrise is on the horizon, and we can see it once we open our eyes, become aware of what’s important, and realize we’re in too deep.

It will be fine. It will be okay. Everything will work out.

Travelling from Miss to Mrs…..

Weddings are strange… I never grew up dreaming of the Beautiful bride or the elaborate ceremony. As an over grownup Kid, my daydreams was always about book deals, food, travel, and explore! So when it came to planning a wedding, I didn’t really know what I always wanted.

I had real challenges balanced with great moments of joy. A sure sign of a decision well-made is that I would do it all again. I had gone from no way to yes, from liking to loving. I now enjoy my life and about the importance of listening to one’s parents.

Knowing when to be stubborn and when to give in is an important skill to have. I had to put my foot down on several occasions with family so that the day would go how I wanted it to go. But it is very easy to then become too obstinate, ignoring what are actually very good suggestions and ideas. I think the main advice is to take time over each decision, discuss it with your partner before reacting to people’s suggestions and demands, so that you can tackle them together and support each other through it.

I guess ,I should start with the Wedding Dress. My idea was to go classic with a twist… I spoke to best friends and surfed the internet about having the best wedding Saree for me. I always wanted a Vintage, traditional and Simple Saree. Wearing Pink, Red would be special, an once-in-a-lifetime kind of deal but I wore Dark Green with Maroon accents, and it worked a treat! He found the perfect match as I always wanted. I was over the moon!

Next, it is really worth spending time finding the right photographer. The day goes by so quickly and having spent so much time and money on the planning, it is great to have the beautiful details and precious moments captured timelessly on film. And a good photographer will also capture the moments we missed, so we can relive them again and again.” My Photographer Mugil Kmv(Snaperture labs) was very patient in listening to my ideas and made my destination wedding comes alive forever.

I didn’t have to worry about decor, or guests not showing up with unaccounted reasons. There was no concern about a bridesmaid being a diva, a photographer getting crazy with my relatives, or having my makeup resemble a Floorshow act rather than my own style.

The weather on the day was perfect. In the morning, it was quite cold with some drizzles (which made my family to laugh about my soaked rice eating history!), & it was like that but when the wedding is about to begin, the sun came out in full force!

On the morning of the wedding, I woke up, Over the next hour, people started to trickle in… All my Best friends, Siblings friends, Family and Cousins are fluttered around me like wonderful butterflies while I got ready. They all did such an incredible job of making the day beautiful, fun & stress-free, which I really, really felt blessed!

Our ceremony was beautifully simple, and perfectly us. Our Parents walked me to the temple and he rode a horse to the temple which was such a beautiful and special moment for both of us to enjoy.

On a Beautiful Temple surrounded by a favorite peoples we tied our Knots in front of our parents, our siblings, Our Best Friends and all of our cousins.

He was very excited to be married with me, &I felt totally unaware that there was even anyone else around us. I looked deep into his eyes with all my Love, Life took a Beautiful Pause.

I didn’t tried to impress anyone, or mollify fussy relatives, helped to make it so good. I just did what felt natural & good to us. I strongly believe now that a wedding never to be an expensive, over-the-top spectacle or a fairy tale. In fact, I felt more candid & striking with my minimalist wedding. It’s all about bonding two people, two families & it is not to outdo everything we’ve ever seen at weddings around the world.

It was everything that I dreamed of, and I couldn’t be happier to be Mrs. Prakash.

Marriage is about being with a person who is as complex and imperfect as you are, and accepting them for it.

Bring it on, 30!

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.

I officially turned 30 on Monday (cue the music and the candlelit cake). They say that 30 is the new 20, but to be honest I’m glad that’s not true. I’m moving forward, not backwards. I’m growing and I’m happy to be 30.

I struggled throughout the last two years as a decade faded for me. And through the struggle, I grew tremendously. I am a different Woman. I change over time—often for the better.

I am a better Woman today than I was yesterday, but I am far from perfect. I make mistakes and bad decisions, and I fail at times. I stumble, fall. I am human—a mixed bag, nuanced, the darkness and the light—as are you.

My story is unique, and yet it is no different from yours—minus the details.

I have loved. I have laughed, grown, and contributed. And for that I am grateful.

I have hated. I have hurt, damaged, and lied. And for that I am sorry.

I have lived. And for that I bear no regrets.

But this 9/11 marks a new decade for me, a decade of opportunity. My twenties were filled with the greatest joys of my life, as well as my most agonizing pains. I can see it lingering behind me in the foreground of my rear view mirror. Perhaps my thirties will bring forth a certain kind of levity, serenity, calm.

Or perhaps life isn’t meant to contain these absolutes. Perhaps one must sit in the valley to see the beauty of the mountaintop, to appreciate her climb, to live a meaningful life. And perhaps the key is to not live in the valley, but, rather, to be aware of why you are there and prepare for the journey ahead.

For me,  the sentiment speaks of opportunity, of growth, and of a bright and compelling future irrespective of my current situation: be it good, bad, or somewhere in between.Sometimes rock bottom is the finest place to be.

Whatever the case may be, I will embrace this life, even though it scares the shit out of me at times. It is the only life I have. And I will love my life—a beautiful, terrifying, wondrous life—through the good times and the bad.

I’m never going to stop trying to. Bring it on, 30!

Why Trance?

Wild locks of hair stream in the breeze. Half-closed eyes stare ahead in an unbreakable trance. His body is poised, executing an inimitable dance move. It’s Lord Shiva from the Hindu pantheon of gods. Smoker, drinker, dope head and Wildman, Shiva is the quintessential god who breaks away from the norm. He lives by his own rules in the deep forests and mountains, dancing, meditating and generally doing whatever the hell he wants. He is as much a wild dancer as he is an ascetic who sits absolutely still.

Breaking the laws of physical nature is spiritual process. In this sense, we are outlaws, and Shiva is the ultimate outlaw. You cannot worship Shiva, but you may join the gang.

Shiva and Trance has always been in harmony. Dance as a performing art has exhaustively explored this aspect and many performances have been set up where Lord Shiva’s portrayal in a state of trance has been depicted either in the form of ‘tandava’ or in a stature of calmness. Trance is a distinctive state of extremity.

The symbolic dance of Shiva has always been an important subject in the trance culture, which is a fact that makes this culture quite connected to a symbolic destruction dance act since its very beginning.

Ever since first heard Trance, I have been taken away by it. Magical, soothing, emotional, heroic are all adjectives to describe the journey this takes us on. To this day Trance still touches me deep within and brings out a level of peace and joy. I love the way the beats changes in and out of the emotional breakdowns and the progressive leads. When it comes to feelings, ecstasy and hypnotism, there is no other genre like trance. It is clear from the name that trance tracks are meant to take us into a state of trance. We forget about our surroundings and get lost in a sea of unconsciousness.

Whenever I get myself into a kind of trance, I engage into an altered world and I sense it’s wonderful to just escape. It calms my mind instantaneously. I try to find the purities out of the confusion it’s pretty old-fashioned, but its fun.

I wish, I visit Shiva Valley – good old Goa trance festivities in the near future, till that time,

Trance: ON; World: OFF

Happy International Music Day!

Pic Courtesy: Bhuvi. Thanks!

Towards Closure….

This is not the first time I’m facing an identity crisis. I’ve questioned myself about what defines me as a person, what is it that sets me apart from the rest? what do people like about me, what is it in me that annoys the crap out of them. This undying need to make myself likable, and be the best puts me in a wreck. I tend to lose myself this in reflective process, which is so ironical because I’m trying to actually discover instead. Criticism comes easily to people, but compliments? Not so much. When you can’t depend on people to remind you of your strengths, you have to look within and come up with something.

I’ve always grown up knowing what I do not want in life. This definitely made elimination easier, but it modeled me as a person who never had strong opinions about things. Yes, I was able to adapt myself to what I was thrown into, but I lost wanting to dig deeper into my true desires. When I realized this, it was time for me to leave my comfort zone and expand my boundaries.

Pursuing my next phase of my life and in the process, I began to create a new life for myself from scratch. A life in a completely new place, with a new set of people I’d never met before towards establishing a whole new lifestyle. The horrible culinary skills, Clumsy Laundry bags, papers everywhere around and dis-oriented beds actually shaping me into a new style of living from whom I used to be. It might not be a great accomplishment, for everyone who goes through this and worse even- but it is special for each individual and we need this validation.
As the year comes to an end, a very important phase in my life finds closure with it. And this closure will be key to how everything else dawns. Until then, toodles.

Just Another Crazy Musings

In Eight Days, I will be a bride. This is the plan, assuming I have not melted down into a tiny, crazy, bridal nugget. Eight Days to go, and instead of savoring the moment, I find myself devolving into weepy, grouchy, clingy, sleepless, panicky, and all the other crazy ideas.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. I never scribbled pictures of happily ever after moment in my head, nor did I grow into a woman who dreams of nothing but the big day. I have always loved throwing parties and bringing friends and family together; what could be more heartwarming than this particular Day?

Not only was I excited, I was prepared, so I thought, for wedding-related tribulations. I had heard the stories: Erratic Chef who keeps changing the menu, and go insanely offside. Friends behave egregiously. Familial relations escalate to level of Greek tragedy. Jittery me wonders, last-minute, whether am making the biggest mistake of my life.

Frankly, I’m not worried. My groom to be and I perfectly had good times amidst our crazy schedules, trusting in our Communal moments to get us through the Big Day. Both sets of in-laws have welcomed us into the Family. Most important, I know I have made the right choice. The occasional row aside, my groom to be and I are a loving pair, and I have no doubt he is the man for me.

Fueled by sugar and lack of sleep, I am going a little crazy. All of a sudden, I am having difficulty accepting the reality that even in this time of supposed intimacy and bliss, he and I are still alone, still separate creatures having separate experiences. Our ability to sit on the sofa, each reading our own book, is suddenly a source of distress rather than strength. I’m hung up on the fact that we’re not gazing into each other’s eyes at every moment; he, oblivious to my alarm, is in his home, deep into the preparation for our wedding. I panic at every disagreement; in my altered state of mind, every tension, no matter how subtle, becomes a litmus test, the ultimate I-do-or-die assessment of our relationship. All of a sudden, I need answers, guarantees. “What does marriage symbolize for you? What are your fears? Your hopes?” These are valid questions that we have discussed and will presumably revisit for the rest of our lives together. There’s just no need or way to answer them NOW. And yet I can’t stop asking. In response to my never-ending questioning, my groom to be predictably retracts into his shell. Detailed discussions of crazy work Schedules are followed by elucidation of the movies I have been watching. We are turning into a parody of male and female, and it’s infuriating…

In desperation, I send up a flare to several girlfriends, a quick message asking whether any of them had a nervous breakdown before their wedding? All of my friends remind me of what I already know in my heart. They assured me that the weeks before the wedding are “unbelievably stressful and not at all romantic or fun… It will be okay. He is the right guy and you will still be able to grow and change and still love each other after the wedding.” This is comforting. I had forgotten that we would continue to evolve after the wedding, rather than being frozen at this instant.

As I reread these wise words, my stomach starts to unclench. There’s no way around it: I’m making the biggest leap of faith I have ever made. This is an exhilarating and profoundly moving act, but “fun” it is not. Once the transition is made, I will have a lifetime to settle into couple hood, to absorb and enjoy the reality of the union with my partner. Until then, I simply have to accept that this choice I’m making has stirred up some inner demons.

All I need now is some Chocolate and cup of coffee…..

Seeing Ourselves Through Reality Distortion Filter

I was Watching Inside Out for the nth time. In that Movie, during one sequence, Joy stumbles into a Dream production Factory. A bunch of stand-ins are refining about on the set in costumes, and then the director calls for the “reality distortion filter”… The camera operator slides a new lens into the camera, and the actors in the set instantly transform into perfectly believable mirror-images of the real-life people being replicated in the dream sequence.

Instantly I Thought of Steve Jobs and the Reality Distortion Filter. RDF is identical with a lifestyle and mentality that hacks luck, filters for success, ignores any “signs” from the universe that we       should stop, is filled with passion, and helps to surround ourselves with people who will help to achieve that goal.

The reality distortion field is the ability to create a belief that is so powerful that it draws other people into believing that it is true. Steve Jobs had the ability to deliberately rebel reality, not only to others but to himself. He was able to deceive himself in a way that allowed him to persuade people into believing his vision, because he has personally embraced and internalized it. Steve Jobs liked to bend reality.

During this bumpy journey of Life, I created a world with its own rules that I survives in — a world that required each person I share my idea needs to adapt as their own. It’s all about benefits of visualization, seeing ourselves achieving the goals and seeing results of the effort as a reality. I came to the point of convincing myself that my confabulated world was actual reality. I realized the difficulty of certain people who always argue against an unconvincing possibility as opportunity and we would make the impossible possible, but that’s not true at all. Finally I understood the difference between possible and impossible very well — better than most in fact.

Reality distortion field, a certain beauty of the concept. We all think about the lives that we want to one day be living, the way that the world will appear to us, the way that we would feel living in such skin. We think about such a life as something that we are aiming to live sometime in the future….

I created a reality distortion field and believe that what I’m doing is right. Have confidence in that what am doing is important. It is a gentle guide to let the world to see things the way I see them, the truths that I see as truths aka the Vision for Future.

Very few people recognize that a Remarkable Life begins and ends with persistent reframing. Without continually reframing myself with new mental models I cannot survive in this Universe.

I believe that the improbable was certain and this belief of what is near impossible for anyone, I will make work for them too to believe otherwise.

Evidently, I don’t want a “me too” Life……